The challenge of low self-esteem is that it stems from deep within ourselves and that can be a hard perspective to shift. By taking the time to explore your feelings and concerns you’ll have more of an idea of what you’re dealing with. Knowing how you feel is one thing. Understanding why you feel that way is something else altogether. Once you can identify some of the areas of your life that are contributing to your feelings of low self-esteem it follows that you are more likely to be able to work towards managing them.

If you’ve read my previous article you’ll know that self-esteem is complex, made up of many factors and is rarely as simple as a list of potential causes. However you may recognise some of the signs and symptoms as you read through.

Appearance and body image

For men and women, at every life stage, how we look occupies more time than it probably should. We live in a digital world where our every move has the potential to be recorded and shared publicly. No wonder we’ve become our own harshest critics. One thing is for sure and that’s the fact that we are all different and the holy grail of perfection simply doesn’t exist.

Financial issues

Having persistent financial difficulties is a common reason for low self-esteem. Not being able to pay bills and do the things your friends and family seem to take for granted can lead to some negative introspection where you believe you have failed. This can be compounded if your financial difficulties are impacting on your family. It’s important that the underlying feelings around financial strain are managed along with taking practical advice from a professional – a two-pronged approach.

Feelings of incompetence

Sometimes we might feel we’re not very good at something – or, in extreme cases, anything. However justified you think your feelings are, it’s important to unpick them and work out why you have a confidence crisis. It could arise from the role you have at work or your position within the family home – you may need further training or support to make the changes that will lead to a more comfortable environment. You may even have to change what you’re doing. Talking it through will give you some perspective, ideas and hope.

Education

We don’t all have the same educational opportunities but it’s never too late to learn. It’s hard to believe that 1 in 5 adults are considered to be functionally illiterate in the UK (The Times 14 Nov 2022). Undiagnosed dyslexia, poor school attendance and many other factors contribute to our overall education – including our postcode. Where we live plays a big part in our educational development. Not having confidence in your education could prevent you from applying for jobs, speaking up in meetings or social situations and allowing yourself to be corrected (even when you’re completely right). Talking about it will help you focus on what’s important and understand the things you’d like to improve on.

Material possessions

We might look at what we have amassed and decide it isn’t enough. Our car, home, jewellery, holidays – whatever you value; or have been used to; or aspire to. Material possessions, or lack of them, can make us feel inferior. We can explore why certain things matter to you. There is no judgement here. Some people might find security at a particular level of wealth. Others might find it hard to adapt to a changing lifestyle – downsizing or adjusting your expectations can be hard.

Employment

Your job says a lot about you, whether we like it or not. We are programmed to ask people ‘what they do’ as a way of finding out more and there is a tendency to make snap judgements about the answers we hear. This makes saying we are unemployed, working in a lower paid role or even a stay-at-home parent uncomfortable. There are many angles to consider if your employment status is adding to your feelings of self-worth. You may need to consider the role you play in society and have the confidence to change things or to take a step back and recognise the very real contribution you are making.

Childhood and family

There is so much to say about how our childhoods and family influences might affect how we feel about ourselves: from sibling rivalry, position in the family to parental attitudes, how we were parented and what we experienced during childhood. Our self-esteem is often rooted in our childhoods, especially if it was an unhappy or difficult time. Unresolved issues around family relationships could be key to some feelings of low self-esteem. This is a huge topic which can’t be covered in a single paragraph. Suffice to say that it ranks highly on reasons for low feelings of self-worth.

Age

Age – and specifically ageing – can have a powerful effect on how we feel about ourselves. Ageing might make us feel less capable, weaker physically, more forgetful and less in control. Women experience the menopause with a range of responses with some barely noticing and others having a terrible time, both physically and mentally. Equally, younger people might feel overlooked or not taken seriously. They might lack the confidence to conduct themselves as they’d like to. Whatever age you are, it’s important to be reconciled to the things you can’t change but to challenge the things you can.

Relationships

Again, another far-reaching topic that affects how we feel about ourselves. Unless you’re a hermit you will feel the effects of having other people around you. Some people radiate positivity and make you feel great. Others are life’s drains and can erode your sense of self quickly and effectively. It’s good to recognise who gives you wings and who weighs you down. We can’t always choose who we spend our time with but it’s vital to recognise the effects of how others make you feel. There are strategies for dealing with all kinds of influences in your life, especially those who make you question yourself.

Trauma

Trauma can result from all manner of life’s events. The term is used to describe an extreme reaction to a set of circumstances. Some examples might include serious illness, bereavement and being the victim of a crime or abuse. The trauma needs to be dealt with for you to be able to process it and live a healthy life.

Low self-esteem is complicated. Some of the things listed can be interwoven. It’s easy to see how employment status, financial issues and material possessions might present together. Similarly, relationships, childhood and family are a regular combination. With so much to decipher and understand it’s easy to see how our self-esteem can bear the brunt of it all.

You’ll notice that most of the points above suggest talking through them. I am qualified to work with you, to listen, and help you make sense of how you feel. There is no instant fix but there are many things that you can put into practice whilst recognising how you can become more comfortable, positive and confident.